How Old Are You?

These are not words we utter very often in the West, but they are ones that you will often hear in a country like Thailand.

There is no malice or even curiosity behind the question – on the contrary, it stems from a desire to be respectful – as Google puts it: “It is important [in Thailand], not least because forms of address are dependent on whether the person you are
addressing is older or younger than you. If someone is older, you should address them as ‘Pee’ (followed by their Christian name) and for a younger person as ‘Nong’”.

For a long time, I would avoid answering such a question. I was reluctant to admit my age. Now, I (practically) shout it from the roof tops…

And the reason is quite simple: I have come to realise that my age has given me the experience which enables me to better assist my clients. You could say that, in most cases, “I have been there, done that, and worn the T-shirt”.

When a friend of mine was recently relating her struggle in her dealings with one of her male colleagues, I was able to read through the situation and simply commented to her: “he is a misogynist”. She was so struck by this statement, that she wrote it down. Everything started to fall into place. I would not have been able to identify the problem years ago, but her experience resonated with some of my own and as well as some of my friends and colleagues.

I often joke that my expensively concealed grey hairs actually serve a purpose! And they do…

When I first started my coaching business, I applied pure coaching techniques – placing provocative questions, actively listening and eliciting answers from my clients. I still do this, but now also volunteer similar occurrences taken from my own life/work history.

After all, I have the benefit of 30+ years working in the corporate sector at board level. I have already dealt with many of the challenges which my clients face – particularly the younger female executives. Why not give them the benefit of my experience and, in effect, offer them a ‘short cut’ to a resolution? This means that some of my sessions are a mix of coaching and mentoring – or to use Richard Harpin’s neologism ‘coachment’.

I would add that I got my PhD in record time (age 23), broke the glass the ceiling in my mid 30s; and, furthermore my appointment to that job was featured in the first

ever reality TV show (BBC2’s Money Programme, 1987). So, why should I allow age to define me now?

I am happy to say that I not only have wisdom, I also have an energy which benefits those around me… Just as I have coined the expression ‘negativity breeds negativity’, I would venture to say ‘energy is contagious’… and, in my case of course, for those who know me that involves a positive mindset, regardless of age.

Need I say how shocked I was to hear the chief executive of engineering company Vesuvius sacked a £300,000 senior manager with the comment that he was ‘an old fossil’, – giving the HR team a directive not to hire people over the age of 45!…

Do not get me wrong: I am not suggesting that you should select your staff by their age (any more than their sex), but there is something to be said for diversity and recognising the contribution a person can make, precisely because of their experience and ensuing contribution.

Only the other day, I was at a drinks event when a young executive (whom we will call Sam) confided in me that he was finding it difficult to sell his IT offering, even though he was getting great feedback in his dealings with potential buyers [for some reason, people find it easy to confide in me issues which they would not normally share – a subject for another discussion…]. I asked: “who do you deal with, typically, when promoting your product?” He replied he mainly called on the technical/IT person.

This prompted me to recall my own experience in the 80s when I was looking to recommend the acquisition of a company manufacturing video-conferencing equipment. I can see you yawn at the very words ‘video-conferencing’ – which has now been made obsolete by the like of Teams, Zoom etc. But bear with me, we are in the late 80s and that technology did not exist at that time.

So, going back to my example, as I was looking at this company, I was trying to work out why the product was not being picked up. Ultimately, I came to understand that the prime reason was that the person they were targeting did not have a budget for such a service and that, more often than not, the IT manager did not have the necessary ‘clout’ to promote it internally. The solution, in my eyes, was evident: pitch at the level of CEO who can CREATE the budget and overcome all other obstacles.

I shared this experience with Sam and he was so taken by it that he sent me this message 2 days later: “It was a JOY [sic] to meet you at [the XX] event on Wednesday! I really enjoyed our conversation and would very much like to continue it”.

So, you see, an experience of some 35 years ago, relating to now-obsolete technology, still has value in today’s market. Those grey hairs are not so useless after all…

ASK YOURSELF: does your company promote #diversity and recognise the value of #experience? Are YOU able to practice #active listening? Is there someone in your circle of friends/colleagues who can provide you with the benefit of their grey hair? And, if not, why not?